La vie est belle

This entry was going to be titled Vie de Merde, however, times have changed and most is right in my little world again.  I was going to complain that Danny has left me!  for the cows in Sonoma haha.  I was going to fret over the loss of my purse last night which contained such particular things as my California ID, my jacket, my visa (although ironically enough not mine but my parents...which I didn't even remember having until I thought long and hard about what was in my wallet), ma parapluie, GRE vocab flashcards ( which aren't mine either!), ipod touch/camera, phone+numbers/reveillé, my RIB/all my bank account info, potentially my passport, The Sun Also Rises (which I had just started reading on the metro that night), herbs, chapstick!, my fucking metro pass, my gloves, a check to the hospital I should have sent months ago....blahblahblah.....basically all trivial things when it comes down to it, however all things that would make my life a lot more difficult if they were to disappear.

I was a little late to school in the morning because I couldn't set my alarms.  I had to buy stupid metro tickets.  Thank god I still had my French visa in my back pocket ;)  I was most worried about my keys that I knew the lady I live with would overcharge me for replacing...school was hard because I went to bed 2 hours before I had to wake up.  Yay Australia day!
But seriously one of my funnest nights in Paris.  This seems to be a trend.  My other favorite night ended in a concussion !  However, ce n'est pas grave.  My purse magically reappeared at the bar when I went there directly after school.  I was positive thinking it all day.  And I think I might believe in god now.  Anyways, even in my lowest points of the day when I was shaking my head at myself inside my head saying ' you fucking idiot' going over all the ways it could have been avoided, I couldn't help realizing that as inconvenient as the situation would be, if something bad needed to happen to me, that's probably the least grave one.  I was also raking my mind trying to think of what awful thing I had done to deserve this!..as I do like to believe in Karma.  Thankfully, I couldn't think of anything too awful.  I was also reminded of that quote

How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.

 

which I've always liked.  Anyways my point is:  the things I hold dearest are alive and well, I didn't make some extremely poor life decision that I regret, and more trivially, I still had my Carte Bleu which meant I could still go to Grenoble tomorrow and could still take the metro to work, got no broken bones (I'm actually nervous about writing this haha)...so, take away my purse and I'm still feeling pretty lucky.
God am I thankful that I didn't have to deal with all that bullshit though, that would have been awful.  And I'm still fascinated as to how it happened.  It literally disappeared.  I searched and searched wtf I'll never know but I've changed the title of this blog to La vie est belle, and I'm happy for it.  Thank you for being alive friends.  I miss you

On a brighter note, Australia day was fucking amazing!  Leave it to the Aussies.  Such a great night.  Face painting, blue drinks and dancing.  I felt like I was at home :)

AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE !!

Mariee Sioux - Wizard Flurry Home

Ike

"By diverting social capital from productive to destructive purposes, war and the preparation for war deplete, rather than enhance, a nation’s strength. And while assertions of military necessity might camouflage the costs entailed, they can never negate them altogether."

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2011/01/the-tyranny-of-defense-inc/8342/

Les Mains Sales

Hoederer
Quelle rage avez-vous tous de jouer aux tueurs?  Ce sont des types sans imagination : ça leur est égal de donner la mort parce qu'ils n'ont aucune idée de ce que c'est la vie.  Je préfère les gens qui ont peur de la mort des autres : c'est la preuve qu'ils savent vivre.

So this is from the same play, different scene.  I just don't want to forget these ideas, so I guess this is the place for them.  Books can be so good.

Hugo
Fais un effort, Jessica.  Sois sérieuse.

Jessica
Pourqoui faut-il que je sois sériuse?

Hugo
Parce qu'on ne peut pas jouer tout le temps.

Jessica
Je n'aime pas le sérieux, mais on va s'arranger : je vais jouer à être sérieuse.

Alexandrrrraaa

One of my 10 year olds today brought her 'petite sœur' up to meet me at the end of recess.  "Alexandrra!  C'est ma petite sœur!  Elle veut te recontrer!"  I don't remember the exact words, but the little girl didn't have any, she was so excited she just jumped into her big sister's arms for a bear hug.  Adorable.  How can you be so cute?

My new favorite expression

'Tes légumes, ils sont fatigués.' - The lady I live with informed me earlier today.

Literal translation:  'Your vegetables, they are tired'...which sounds so pleasant to the ears :)  but, in English basically translates to:  'Your vegetables are about to rot, you should eat them'...not as cool.

Tes légumes, ils sont fatigués...
Awesome.  Vive la France du Général de Gaulle!

Dude.

Only in France would you tell the kids 'OK, we're going to draw monsters!', and half of them take out their rulers...

With love

"Sometimes I feel like a freak for how much love I have for the world. It's silly and it's stupid and young and idealistic. But honestly what the fuck else am I supposed to do?  Go be  a banker and work 80 hours a week to make rich people richer. Fuck no I don't have it in me."
My most inspiring friend

Hoity toity

As I sit trying to wrap my mouth around all this un-chopped lettuce in my salad, I begin to wonder if every 'fine', well-mannered or sophisticated thing in life isn't just bullshit.  I've giving this a lot of thought in this here country.  I feel like someone is rolling over in their grave, or maybe the aliens in the sky are pointing and laughing realizing they can make people do anything, no matter how stupid it is, if it means people will feel like they fit in.
Don't know how to get people to buy your moldy cheese?  Tell them it's sophisticated!  Fish eggs?  Call it something fancy and make it expensive!  How do you make humans buy those ridiculous looking sunglasses?  Brands!  That brand shows you have so much money, you can waste it on ridiculous things!  But they make you happy, right?  So, ça va.  And here I am trying to figure out how to eat lettuce like spaghetti just so I don't offend people at the dinner table.  La vie est bizarre.  But, it's cute I guess that people care.

Today was fucking awesome.  I love teaching days, minus the waking up part, however this week it has been extremely easy to hop outta bed at 630am.  This is due, I assume, to jetlag!  Woot.  The kids are so adorable, it doesn't get old.  And they're all so excited, it's contagious.  In my first class the teacher is pretty strict, or just likes to yell, I don't know.  A boy in the front row ( this is a CP class which means 5-6 yr olds) was struggling.  He was a little chubster.  The teacher finally flips out on him 'TU ES UN GROS BEBE, IL FAUT QUE TU GRANDIS!  aka 'You are a big, fat baby.  Grow up!  Haha kinda harsh but it was really hard for me not to laugh, same goes for him.  There's something about being yelled at that has always made me giggle, much to the agaçe of the person trying to be taken seriously.  He loved being yelled at!  He just sat there lookin sheepish, but satisfied.

'It's a funny thing, I noticed that when people are joking they're usually dead serious, and when they're dead serious it's usually pretty funny.'  Thank you Jim

In my last class with the older kids (9-11) we made monsters!  Over break at Sam's house, a few of us made high creatures together.  Lemme explain:  you fold a piece of blank paper into 3.  The first person draws a head of some sort and folds the paper down so you can't see it.  The next person draws a body, folds it, and the last draws the legs.  They can get pretty raunchy, it was really fun though and I decided to do it with my class.  The monsters looked great and at the end each group comes up and describes their monster:  My monster has 3 eyes, a blue and a green ear, 4 nostrils and snakes for hair etc  The kid's monsters were obviously more pc, as in less dicks than at Sam's, however, one group was ballsy enough to draw three balls!  I pretended not to notice, but was inwardly impressed.

I've been reading Salinger's Seymour - An Introduction on the metro and it makes life that much more enjoyable.  But, as amazing as the whole journée was, I must admit that my favorite part, comme d'hab, was taking off my pants when I got home.

I leave you with the coolest quote I've seen in awhile: 

It was in love I was created and it is in love I hope to die.

Twice

LES DEUX PIGEONS. 

Deux Pigeons s'aimaient d'amour tendre.

L'un d'eux s'ennuyant au logis

Fut assez fou pour entreprendre

Un voyage en lointain pays.

L'autre lui dit : Qu'allez-vous faire ?

Voulez-vous quitter votre frère ?

L'absence est le plus grand des maux :

Non pas pour vous, cruel. Au moins que les travaux,

Les dangers, les soins du voyage,

Changent un peu votre courage.

Encore si la saison s'avançait davantage !

Attendez les zéphyrs : qui vous presse? Un Corbeau

Tout à l'heure annonçait malheur à quelque Oiseau.

Je ne songerai plus que rencontre funeste,

Que Faucons, que réseaux. Hélas, dirai-je, il pleut :

Mon frère a-t-il tout ce qu'il veut,

Bon soupé, bon gîte, et le reste ?

Ce discours ébranla le cœur

De notre imprudent voyageur ;

Mais le désir de voir et l'humeur inquiète

L'emportèrent enfin. Il dit : Ne pleurez point :

Trois jours au plus rendront mon âme satisfaite ;

Je reviendrai dans peu conter de point en point

Mes aventures à mon frère.

Je le désennuierai :quiconque ne voit guère

N'a guère à dire aussi. Mon voyage dépeint

Vous sera d'un plaisir extrême.

Je dirai : J'étais là ; telle chose m'avint;

Vous y croirez être vous-même.

A ces mots en pleurant ils se dirent adieu.

Le voyageur s'éloigne ; et voilà qu'un nuage

L'oblige de chercher retraite en quelque lieu.

Un seul arbre s'offrit, tel encore que l'orage

Maltraita le Pigeon en dépit du feuillage.

L'air devenu serein, il part tout morfondu,

Sèche du mieux qu'il peut son corps chargé de pluie,

Dans un champ à l'écart voit du blé répandu,

Voit un Pigeon auprès : cela lui donne envie :

Il y vole, il est pris : ce blé couvrait d'un lacs

Les menteurs et traîtres appas.

Le lacs était usé : si bien que de son aile,

De ses pieds, de son bec, l'oiseau le rompt enfin.

Quelque plume y périt : et le pis du destin

Fut qu'un certain vautour à la serre cruelle,

Vit notre malheureux qui, traînant la ficelle

Et les morceaux du las qui l'avaient attrapé,

Semblait un forçat échappé.

Le Vautour s'en allait le lier, quand des nues

Fond à son tour un aigle aux ailes étendues.

Le Pigeon profita du conflit des voleurs,

S'envola, s'abattit auprès d'une masure,

Crut, pour ce coup, que ses malheurs

Finiraient par cette aventure ;

Mais un fripon d'enfant, cet âge est sans pitié

Prit sa fronde, et, du coup, tua plus d'à moitié

La Volatile malheureuse,

Qui, maudissant sa curiosité,

Traînant l'aile et tirant le pié,

Demi-morte et demi-boiteuse,

Droit au logis s'en retourna :

Que bien, que mal elle arriva

Sans autre aventure fâcheuse.

Voilà nos gens rejoints ; et je laisse à juger

De combien de plaisirs ils payèrent leurs peines.

Amants, heureux amants , voulez-vous voyager?

Que ce soit aux rives prochaines ;

Soyez-vous l'un à l'autre un monde toujours beau,

Toujours divers, toujours nouveau ;

Tenez-vous lieu de tout, comptez pour rien le reste.

J'ai quelquefois aimé : je n'aurais pas alors

Contre le Louvre et ses trésors,

Contre le firmament et sa voûte céleste,

Changé les bois, changé les lieux

Honorés par les pas, éclairés par les yeux

De l'aimable et jeune bergère

Pour qui, sous le fils de Cythère,

Je servis, engagé par mes premiers serments.

Hélas! Quand reviendront de semblables moments?

Faut-il que tant d'objets si doux et si charmants

Me laissent vivre au gré de mon âme inquiète?

Ah! si mon cœur osait encore se renflammer!

Ne sentirai-je plus de charme qui m'arrête?

Ai-je passé le temps d'aimer?

THE TWO PIGEONS.

Two Doves, twin-brothers of a nest.
By tender friendship's flame possest,

Long liv'd, as Pythias with his Damon —
Neither abroad desir'd to roam ;
Till one at length, grown sick of home, 

A restless, rambling fancy came on.

To check the whim, his brother tried : 

" Can you then leave me thus ?" he cried —

" On absence think what pangs attend !
" Think of the peril which besets
" The wandVing bird — storms, falcons, nets :—

" O spare the feelings of your friend.

" Or stay at least till spring's mild season —
" Then lightly skim the tepid breeze on ;

" But now you wayward fate provoke.
*' At ev'ry driving show'r of sleet
" My anxious heart will sadly beat !

" Heard you that boding raven's croak ?'" 

When first these fond complaints were heard,
It shook the purpose of the Bird ;

But soon the roving rage prevails.

" Grieve not, dear friend," he says, and sighs,
" By travel, men and birds grow wise ; 
" How charm'd you'll be to hear my tales !

" The distant scenes beheld by me,
" In narrative yourself shall see —

" Who nothing sees, can nothing tell :
" And three short days, at most, shall bring

" Your brother home on rapid wing :

" So dry your tears — adieu — farewell !"

He fled : — the harbingers of storm.

Black gathering clouds, heav'n's face deform.

And loud and shrill the tempest blows :
In torrents pour'd the drenching rain;
One leafless tree upon the plain,

Alone its shelter thin bestows.

But soon, the pelting deluge done,
His ruffled plumage to the sun 

He spreads, and joyful onward flies :
'Till in his course a sheltered nook,
Where grain was strewM, with eager look,

Hungry, and wet, and faint, he spies.

A Pigeon, too, was feeding there :
So, heedless of the lurking snare,

He darted down as swift as thought.
Too soon he finds the fell deceit ;
The toils surround his tangled feet —

The novice in the trap is caught.

But fickle Fortune here was kind ;
His limbs tho' hempen fetters bind.

Distress and joy arrive together.
Thro' meshes weak, by time decay 'd,
With bill, wings, feet, a breach he made.

And scap'd, with loss of many a feather.

The captive freed a Vulture saw.
And aim'd to seize with felon claw: —

Fortune again evinc'd her sway;
A royal Eagle, soaring high.
Shot thro' the liquid azure sky.

And claim'd, as his, the helpless prey.

Whilst the two ruffians fiercely strove,
Escapes th' emancipated Dove,

And flatfring hope to dawn began :
But soon an urchin with his sling.
Observed him rest his weary wing : —

How cruel are the sports of man !

The whizzing stone, with dextVous aim,
Flew to its mark; now hurt, and lame.

Our Dove of rambling rage was cur'd.
He crept home safe, tho' tempest-tost,
And in th' embrace of friendship, lost
The pain his luckless flight endur'd.

Ye Lovers ! to these lays attend :
Take warning by this roving friend —

'Twill profit those who well receive it.
If once in port your sails are furl'd,
There anchor : — there you've all the world— 

You'll lose your treasure if you leave it.

Yet absence ( O forgive, Fontaine,
If I pervert thy tender strain) 

Brings sweeter bliss when joy returns.
The torch of Love then blazes highV,
And steady Friendship's sacred fire

By absence fann'd still brighter burns. 

I actually really disliked this poem when I had to read it in school, 

or maybe it saddened me because it reminded me of how I'm always 

taking off to travel away from everyone. 

Therefore, I also didn't like the way the traveler is put in a bad light. 

Looking back though, I don't think I ever finished it, 

I thought until now that the pigeon died while he was away, 

or found someone else...a much more French ending if you ask me. 

He also says 'Adieu', which is what you say if you're never going 

to see someone again.

I'm more attached to my version of how the poem ends, but whatever. 

This video doesn't really apply to the way Fontaine ends the fable,

but when I saw the video it immediately reminded me of this poem...

Or the one that was in my head I guess.

The McColgan parents :)

Response to the email saying I made it:

"OMG! we were so worried. Mom was sure that you had been kidnapped in NYC and
were going to be held hostage. We already had the ransom money ready but the
"nappers" never called. I just thought that you had gone to a party in San Diego
and forgot to get on the plane, so obviously we were sooo happy to hear that you
had made it. Maybe you could skype when you get home today or email or send a
message by carrier pigeon. LUVDAD"

Hunger

Being hungry and knowing that you will eat again in the near future is very different from being hungry and not knowing when you'll get a chance to eat again.  The latter drives you mad!
I think what gets me down most about Paris is what would get me down about living in presque any city.  The stark contrast between rich and poor:  poverty stares you in the face all day here.  My metro stop is the start.  The homeless, hungry drunks yelling at random or curled up in a corner.  Their hands all swollen and scabby.  Shit man, real life can blow.  But the fact that I'm aware of it here, versus in OC or Santa B, where the bums are all happy drunk pirates or don't exist haha doesn't give me any means of doing anything about it, which I think is why I'm left feeling so frustrated, or down.  fkld;a'gja.......

Also

On 'New Years Resolutions'...not that I really have any.  But, until April, I want to be as productive of a human as I can.  In the coming weeks I hope to:
Figure out which Grad Schools I'm applying to
Figure out deadlines and when I should/what I need to apply
Study 5 days a week for the GRE, an hour a day
only drink 2 days a week...lol
Plan my lessons/read what these kids are supposed to have learned by the end of the year
Read 3 articles in French 5 days a week
Watch a French movie once a week
Re-apply to the Paris program
Apply to English teaching programs in Asia...Indonesia, Japan etc
Look for summer jobs/internships
Do Bikram!
Move into Danny's place
Only go on Facebook an hour per day haha
Read all the books I have with me and get more
Write the Amnesty letters I promised.
Seriously look into WWOOFing

So here is my reminder for when I need it :)

Ew

I was pr*gnant in my dream last night.  And  worse, I was going to have it!  fjkdlqù.h f u c k to that.  I was at like 8 months or somethin, it snuck up on me and then it was too late.  Maybe I shouldn't have been talkin so much shit on that 'Didn't know I was pregnant' reality TV show.  I wasn't going to keep it at least.  I think my plan was church doorstep, but I didn't want it to be an orphan.  I think it's Mad Men's fault actually.  Danny and I were watching that before we went to sleep.  Blah, what a strange dream.  I woke up relieved that it wasn't true.  My next dream however, was way more awesome.  We (me becca katie taran lexi misch and probably more ppl) were takin teaquila shots in some room before we went out and then we rode around the room on an elephant.  It was going to be our method of transport to wherever we were going.   It was kinda scary bc I'm afraid of heights.  But scary awesome, not scary pregnant.

Love, love is a verb

So my short stay in the land of sunshine comes to an end, too quickly. It was everything I had hoped for (see previous post) minus any lokos! Andy insists that lokos are unnecessary, but so are a lot of amazing things :) if I were to write a song about my favorite things, Loko would still be one of them, as ridiculous as that may be. Surtout parce qu'il est interdit maintenant. Rude, America!
I lose more faith in America every day. Today didn't help, what with the latest shooting. We humans really haven't figured our shit out yet, have we? I go back and forth between believing in the goodness of humanity, and thinking that deep down, humans are inherently self-motivated, survival programmed 'individuals' that I shouldn't give a fuck about. "You're all a bunch of phonies!"
If you really believe in the ultimate goodness of humanity, does that mean you'd be willing to sacrifice your own life, for the life of a stranger's? Does that make you a good/bad person? There are so many factors.
The thing is I know a lot of amazing, un-phony, wonderful loving people that I would do anything for, and there are even strangers that I am able to feel that way about, but it's all based on my judgment of them. Even immediate judgments, how do I make that? Do I see it in their eyes? How do you know that you're kindred spirits by looking at someone?  I can't explain it, but I've known it.  Love at first sight?  Where am I going with this?  I've been reading too much Salinger.
The best understanding of it I can grasp for the moment is that just as there is both good and evil in the world, there are fundamentally good and evil people in the world. Obviously the environment people are raised in is a contributing factor, but I don't think that's everything. People have come out of awful situations on top, or raised in the most understanding environments to become heinous people.
Everything is a contradiction: life death, love hate...pleasure pain, rational irrational...fuck I don't know, but I do know that to know one, you have to know the other. And now I've thought of a quote: There has to be evil so good can prove its purity above it (Buddha).
But does there? Or is that just how we rationalize suffering?
I felt jealousy for the first time in my life about a year ago. It was such a shitty, overwhelming feeling, I couldn't control it. It's bitter and I don't want to feel that way again any time soon thank you. However, I don't think feeling it has made me any more capable of feeling 'trusting' or 'undesirous' of n'importe quoi. And likewise, I don't think really hating something would make me more capable of loving things. Maybe I'm wrong though. Or maybe that is how goodness proves its purity above all, because it makes you realize how you don't want to be. But does everyone dislike the same feelings?  Maybe some people really dig hate.   It takes all types to make a world.
I do believe in contradictions, and actions/reactions. And therefore the inevitability of good/evil...even though I don't like evil. It therefore leads me to believe that life cannot exist without one or the other, therefore good will never truly conquer evil. Just as life does not exist without death.
I started this blabber because it is pertinent to the 'life decisions' I have to make in the near future. Do I want to devote my life to the betterment of humankind, surtout the enabling of humankind. Giving people the benefit of the doubt, believing that they do deserve all that life has to offer. I mean, that's a stupid question, obviously I do. But even these tea-party crackpots?  Or these monsters Lila has to teach in TFA.  I don't think I could do what Lila is doing because I don't have that kind of faith in people.  If the little fuckers don't wanna listen then fuck 'em!  I think that means I'm lacking in character, hers is the enlightened path.  But on the other hand (here I am feeling so conflicted) I know that if I was actually put in that situation (which I almost applied for) I would try my best, and not give up on these kids that everyone else has.  At least believing in some of them.  Because sometimes I am an idealist.  But, at other times I am a pessimist, a realist.  Although as an idealist, I'd like to think that idealism is not the opposite of realism.  I am exemplifying this whole contradiction thing here.
I guess the thing that gives me the most hope for the human race is education. Education allows people to decide who they want to become. And it allows me not to make the decision of whether or not humans are valuable, invaluable, or phonies. So, I guess I'll go with that for the moment.  Here I come lil frenchies.