Police pepper spraying and arresting students at UC Davis

http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-ways-we-ruined-occupy-wall-street-generation/

Yay!

I didn't fail the GRE :)  I didn't do that well on the Quantitative section but whatever I did really well on the Verbal!   I don't know about the essays yet, but the first one was alright I just didn't have time to finish.  The second one I killed!!! RARRRRR

Also

On 'New Years Resolutions'...not that I really have any.  But, until April, I want to be as productive of a human as I can.  In the coming weeks I hope to:
Figure out which Grad Schools I'm applying to
Figure out deadlines and when I should/what I need to apply
Study 5 days a week for the GRE, an hour a day
only drink 2 days a week...lol
Plan my lessons/read what these kids are supposed to have learned by the end of the year
Read 3 articles in French 5 days a week
Watch a French movie once a week
Re-apply to the Paris program
Apply to English teaching programs in Asia...Indonesia, Japan etc
Look for summer jobs/internships
Do Bikram!
Move into Danny's place
Only go on Facebook an hour per day haha
Read all the books I have with me and get more
Write the Amnesty letters I promised.
Seriously look into WWOOFing

So here is my reminder for when I need it :)

Love, love is a verb

So my short stay in the land of sunshine comes to an end, too quickly. It was everything I had hoped for (see previous post) minus any lokos! Andy insists that lokos are unnecessary, but so are a lot of amazing things :) if I were to write a song about my favorite things, Loko would still be one of them, as ridiculous as that may be. Surtout parce qu'il est interdit maintenant. Rude, America!
I lose more faith in America every day. Today didn't help, what with the latest shooting. We humans really haven't figured our shit out yet, have we? I go back and forth between believing in the goodness of humanity, and thinking that deep down, humans are inherently self-motivated, survival programmed 'individuals' that I shouldn't give a fuck about. "You're all a bunch of phonies!"
If you really believe in the ultimate goodness of humanity, does that mean you'd be willing to sacrifice your own life, for the life of a stranger's? Does that make you a good/bad person? There are so many factors.
The thing is I know a lot of amazing, un-phony, wonderful loving people that I would do anything for, and there are even strangers that I am able to feel that way about, but it's all based on my judgment of them. Even immediate judgments, how do I make that? Do I see it in their eyes? How do you know that you're kindred spirits by looking at someone?  I can't explain it, but I've known it.  Love at first sight?  Where am I going with this?  I've been reading too much Salinger.
The best understanding of it I can grasp for the moment is that just as there is both good and evil in the world, there are fundamentally good and evil people in the world. Obviously the environment people are raised in is a contributing factor, but I don't think that's everything. People have come out of awful situations on top, or raised in the most understanding environments to become heinous people.
Everything is a contradiction: life death, love hate...pleasure pain, rational irrational...fuck I don't know, but I do know that to know one, you have to know the other. And now I've thought of a quote: There has to be evil so good can prove its purity above it (Buddha).
But does there? Or is that just how we rationalize suffering?
I felt jealousy for the first time in my life about a year ago. It was such a shitty, overwhelming feeling, I couldn't control it. It's bitter and I don't want to feel that way again any time soon thank you. However, I don't think feeling it has made me any more capable of feeling 'trusting' or 'undesirous' of n'importe quoi. And likewise, I don't think really hating something would make me more capable of loving things. Maybe I'm wrong though. Or maybe that is how goodness proves its purity above all, because it makes you realize how you don't want to be. But does everyone dislike the same feelings?  Maybe some people really dig hate.   It takes all types to make a world.
I do believe in contradictions, and actions/reactions. And therefore the inevitability of good/evil...even though I don't like evil. It therefore leads me to believe that life cannot exist without one or the other, therefore good will never truly conquer evil. Just as life does not exist without death.
I started this blabber because it is pertinent to the 'life decisions' I have to make in the near future. Do I want to devote my life to the betterment of humankind, surtout the enabling of humankind. Giving people the benefit of the doubt, believing that they do deserve all that life has to offer. I mean, that's a stupid question, obviously I do. But even these tea-party crackpots?  Or these monsters Lila has to teach in TFA.  I don't think I could do what Lila is doing because I don't have that kind of faith in people.  If the little fuckers don't wanna listen then fuck 'em!  I think that means I'm lacking in character, hers is the enlightened path.  But on the other hand (here I am feeling so conflicted) I know that if I was actually put in that situation (which I almost applied for) I would try my best, and not give up on these kids that everyone else has.  At least believing in some of them.  Because sometimes I am an idealist.  But, at other times I am a pessimist, a realist.  Although as an idealist, I'd like to think that idealism is not the opposite of realism.  I am exemplifying this whole contradiction thing here.
I guess the thing that gives me the most hope for the human race is education. Education allows people to decide who they want to become. And it allows me not to make the decision of whether or not humans are valuable, invaluable, or phonies. So, I guess I'll go with that for the moment.  Here I come lil frenchies.